Our Call to Missions

This is a "rewind" of sorts of what brought me here today:  Cincel Language School, Costa Rica.  Now, before you get all excited about "where" we are, let me tell you quick-like:  there's no party going on.  It's study, listen, study, listen, learn, read, study, fail-fail-fail, then a little triumph.  It's tough.  Not as much for those "younger", but if you want to know -I'm 55 (and a half).  Nothing comes easy --not even sleeping.

I needed to voice what had been going on in my life.   I needed to get it out of my heart, head, out of my system somehow.  This is where I began using my voice back in 2007 (remember my old blog, "the knightly news"?--it has been closed down for simplification purposes), and for about 3 years, I blogged faithfully --but then God began to lead me to a quieter journey.  I filled up several prayer journals since then and I've got just a few more pages left on the current one.

I realized recently though, there are many parts of this journey that needs to be shared with some friends, and if we were in my living room back home (this one is on the tiny side), I would have a pot of coffee ready, my best and favorite mugs/cups, some cookies or maybe even some "Jeff Cake", and I would share this journey with you--all the tears--truth--temptations--and trust.

Back when we first tiptoed into the ocean of missions, I spent about a month mulling over and working on forms and papers that I needed to fill out and write to become what we have dreamed of becoming for the past couple of years.  Oh, we didn't dream it out loud....but silently, to ourselves we dreamed it.  And then we would "hush" it.  Do you have a dream like that?  One you dream, then quickly put the lid back on?  That was this for us.

After my first mission trip to Honduras, I knew my life would never EVER be the same again.
I came back home unable to shop.  Unable to carry on any normal conversation.  I was like, "don't you realize there are kids a few thousand miles away who are going to bed hungry?  Who have never had the things our kids have?  And what's with all the "things" anyway?   (Trust me, I'm not criticizing, I had my fair share and THEN some!)  But my focus had now shifted.  I was now so conscious of those who were lost with no hope of salvation--because there was no one to step into their lives and share the love of God with them.  I had, up to that point, been almost oblivious to the "world" outside of my city-limits.  But I could no longer pretend it was just a news clip on TV or a mission video shown once a month in our church.  It was real--and I had touched them, smelled the stench of waste near the homes, felt their heat, and walked on their soil.

However, after about a year of being home--back in my comfort zone, I forgot too.  Not completely, but the unnecessary shopping finally sucked me back in and so did the trivial conversation.  Please don't misunderstand, there is nothing at all wrong with shopping--or trivial conversation--but I had forgotten what God had wanted me to remember...and I found myself miserable.

Next trip was Cambodia- it knocked me to my knees.

When that trip was over, I felt surely God was about to call us to Cambodia.  Every memory of that trip was the most vivid --long after I returned home.  I would find myself tearing up at the pictures, and crying full force in prayer over their "lostness"....Their idol worship...the poverty.

Then there was the first trip Bolivia then the next--and back to Honduras again...    Time after time --trip after trip, I felt God saying to me-- "don't hold tightly to the things of this world".

And I began the process of letting go.  Early.  Even now, I'm still letting go.  I pass things on, give things away.

A few years ago, a friend gave me a box of gift bags and tissue paper.  A full box.  I mean--a box that  you could fit 4 Kitchenaid Stand Mixers in.  She said that God had prompted her to give it to me because I would be needing them.  My initial thought, "oh, I'm set for gift bags for the next few years!"  I ran out pretty quick.  I gave the last 4 away when we packed up and left for Costa Rica--and I now see what God had been doing.... Prying my fingers off of the things I held dear.

It was in that second trip to Bolivia I knew.

I had "thought" when I came back from Cambodia and all I could see were the people and the needs --insurmountable it seemed.  But I think God was making a point in my heart. HE wanted me to SEE the world's needs first hand and know--they are waiting... I needed to make a decision.

So, without knowing exactly "what", on my way home from Bible Study one Wednesday night--I said "yes" to God-- not knowing if He would indeed send us somewhere--or use us here -- or what Jeff would say.

God was interested in my "yes".  He withheld all the information that I was saying "yes" to--until the appointed time.

Jeff and I led a team to do a crusade in Bolivia in 2012--and as the plane was descending...and the wheels hit the tarmac, I felt something and heard something I never--absolutely never expected to feel or hear.  You know that feeling?.... when you've been gone from home, perhaps a long trip, or vacation--or even a very hectic day at work, that feeling as you pull into your driveway, "sigh".  "Relief".  I got that feeling all over me--I actually felt a sigh.  And I heard in my spirit, "I'm home".  I said that to myself before I could catch what happened!

Fast forward button pressed.... and here we are, language school.

I clearly remember the statement from Jeff Hartensveld "You can make more of an impact if you pack a box instead of a suitcase."   The dream fluttered in my chest.  I completely agreed with him.  How scary is that?  To leave all that you know and love--with the knowledge that life will never EVER be the same again...  Wait.  Wasn't it that way when I first came back from Honduras?  Life had NOT been the same.  It's been an eye opening--adventure--that has been  joyous, yet frustrating at times--painful at times--tearful at times, but still JOY in seeing what God will do with what we give Him, when we give Him our all and our best.

As I sit here today, looking back at the flood of memories,  I remember Paul's writing in Romans 10:14-15  "how can they call on one they've not believed in--and how can they believe when they've not heard...and how can they hear unless someone preaches to them, and how can someone preach if they aren't sent?" (my paraphrase)

The day that Jeff came in the door before I had started my devotion will forever be embedded in my heart and mind.  He's a very early riser and early to work; I was coming in the kitchen, having poured my coffee, let the dog out, made the bed, etc., and was settling in to read and spend some time with the LORD.  We both hit the kitchen about the same time, his expression was so different.  He looked at me and said, we need to go online and get the forms and fill them out and send them in.  That said to me (I understand his language), I've been with God.  I've heard from God.  He's called us, and I said "yes".  Let's get ready to go!"

My heart did a flip-flop.  I was ready.

Later, after the anguishing paperwork (no joke), as I knelt in the bathroom --the crying jag spending all of my emotions out-- and I saw those people in my mind again.

I heard in my spirit, "Are they worth it?".
"Yes, Lord....they are".

Here am I .... Send me.

We are running out of time.....












© Angie Knight. 2017  All rights reserved.
Photo by Angie Knight 2013. All rights reserved.