Let's Talk About Marriage
Well, for starters, I know ours has flaws--because WE have flaws. But I am thankful for where we are today. We wouldn't have made it though--without major determination.
Jeff preached Sunday at our church. I always love hearing him--but this time it was from home. Currently, it sounds worse than it is--but much coughing sounds makes people more nervous than ever. It's been going around....it finally got me and Jeff. I guess since his legs are longer, he waded through it faster....who knows. It has lingered, I can promise you not by invitation.
Anyway, he segued a bit in his message because it was nigh impossible to see his notes. But you know God planted the words of the message--even down to the detour. Part of the detour took you to a window into our marriage when he talked about an issue he has dealt with in the past. He talked about his drug addiction and alcoholism. He didn't give the full blown testimony--it's powerful. I always come away with the feeling of just heard a miracle speak. (If you would like to hear the message, go to Evangel Church's Facebook page.) Maybe we will record it one day so that our grandchildren, and great-grandchildren (should Jesus tarry) can listen and learn.
One of the many things we have learned is that boundaries are absolutely necessary. They are vital to a healthy home and marriage. You protect your spouse and home with everything in you. Then, if God blesses your home with children, you both set up bigger boundaries. The devil is out to steal, kill and destroy--and he doesn't really care how he does it as long as he can hurt God the Father. Your spouse is a target. Your children are targets. Everything about you makes him angry.
Be careful to guard your life and heart. That includes your mind and eyes. What you allow yourself to see will be later used against you if there is any possible way the devil can tempt your mind to linger on what you saw. He will bring it back to your mind over and over until you crumble under his will. YOU must determine to stop him by replacing thoughts that have no business being in there with the WORD. That is your weapon of choice. USE the WORD of God with your mouth--say them aloud.
I remember when we lived in Bolivia and I was in my prayer closet one morning after I had made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen. I had sat back down in my "prayer chair" and said aloud, "what am I going to wear today?" The Holy Spirit said so fast back to me that it actually stunned me to stillness. "Put on all the armor. You will need it."
Friends, I think we have stopped wearing what has been part of our instruction for daily battle. We no longer don the helmet of salvation because we think--since we got "saved", we don't have to worry about what we think about anymore. I beg to differ with you. YOU have to be more concerned with it. When you knelt at the altar and gave your life to Jesus, you made an actual stance AGAINST the way you lived before and took upon the life of Christ-the enemy hates that. He will set up every temptation you can imagine. If you were ever tempted by it--you are about to be hit with it in the course of the next years of your life. Bet on it.
Whether it was drugs or alcohol, sex outside of marriage, fornication, adultery, same sex attraction, p0rn0graphy, lying, stealing--whatever it was (I'm sure there's more--that's all I could think of at the moment)-the devil will absolutely launch a sneak attack when you LEAST expect it. BET on it.
When things are a bit rocky at home--not collapsing, but maybe you got your feelings hurt--or maybe she (or he) made you mad. Maybe he (or she) keeps leaving shoes where they don't belong (uhm...shoe closet is their home).... maybe she/he overspends... the list can go on. Whatever those trigger points are--you can bet the devil will use them. He's watching--he's got his little devious minions watching--observing your tendencies. Where you like to go. What you keep slowing down the scroll for... what words keep coming to your mind and out of your mouth...
You may say, Angie, you are meddling. No sir. No mam. I'm not. I am telling you what will destroy your marriage if you don't watch out and set up good strong boundaries. If you have something that you are personally struggling with--talk to your spouse. ONLY he or she can help you. He (or she) doesn't know how to pray or help if you don't let them know. I've probably told Jeff way way more than he ever wanted to hear over the years. But when he married me--he knew I shot straight (literally and figuratively) and he knew I was serious about things.
If you tell a "buddy" or a "sister/friend" you have actually let someone into your marriage who has no business there.
Tell your spouse FIRST....then you can go to a prayer partner. It angers me when I hear ladies say, "well so and so knows more about what my husband likes or does- than I do". Ditto -if men say the same thing: "Well her friend knows more about how she feels about this than I do".
WHAT? Did you marry that other person? Nope. Then talk to your spouse FIRST. You two need to pray about it together. Let him pray over you. Let him lead your home as the priest of the home. If you don't do this--you have things out of order. God can't fully bless a home that's out of order.
Before you get bent out of shape--I BELIEVE in having a good strong prayer partner. Not a gossip partner. a Holy Ghost filled PRAYER partner. But again....spouse first.
David wrote, "I will set no wicked thing before my eyes"... (Psalm 101:3). He learned the hard way. Jeff talked about that in his message. David's behind should have been at war with all the other kings. Instead, he was lolling about at home, lazed in bed too long and the enemy was setting up a plan to snare him and hurt the God who created him. the Bible says, in the evening, David got up from his bed and was "walking around on the roof of the palace".
As he looked out over the expanse of the area, he saw Bathsheba taking a bath. He could have turned away and immediately gone back inside and minded his own business....but he wanted to make her his business. So--he got others involved in his sin.
The sin of adultery began in his mind. I believe he already "imagined" how it would be before he ever acted on his sin. The imagination was actually the first sin in this--because he let it linger long enough to put action to it. GUARD YOUR MIND. The sin of fornication led to deception and murder. One sin doesn't just stay one sin. It generally, unless under conviction is repented of, will lead to another sin. And on and on it goes.
You may ask, "well, Angie, how do I stop this from happening?" Get yourself into God's Word. THAT is your weapon. YOU already know that. There are no shortcuts. Read it--meditate on it--read it aloud and put it to memory. Write it on sticky notes and stick them everywhere you need them to be as reminders of the weapons available to you to use against the enemy's attacks.
Wear the whole armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-18. Read it and apply it. I linked the amplified version there for better understanding if you are unfamiliar with the concept. This is something ONLY you can do. Mama can't do it for you teenagers. Wife or husband can't do it for you. YOU are solely responsible for YOUR actions. I don't care what she/he said that irritated you. YOU are responsible for how you respond if you open your mind up to everything the enemy will throw at you--you will be left defenseless.
You probably are saying--wow. You sound angry! Well, to be honest I am. I am angry that so many of us FORGET what we have available to us--we don't use what we have!
It's like you have a closet full of clothes and you might think--oh but they aren't in style--or on trend...whatever. I don't care how old fashioned you may think the concept of protecting your mind is--you are the next target of the devil if you don't set up guards for your EYES and your MIND.
WE don't have time to play. The devil has that recording of what you "said--heard--saw"--ready to play. We better have a replacement recording. The Word of GOD is the ONLY replacement there is. Let it play on and on and on.
One last thing for today....make sure the people you allow into your lives have high standards and thick boundaries as well.
Guard your heart above all else, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
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